love

i've been frustrated lately. frustrated by people (including myself sometimes) who can't seem to simply show love to those around them. people who feel like they have a right to judge others. yet the people being judged don't have that same right. at least not in the eyes of the person judging. people who feel like it's not only their right but maybe even their duty to call people out and challenge them on their views if they differ from their own. people who like to use scripture out of context and "throw" it in other people's faces not only to make their point, (twisting scripture to their own agenda) but also to make themselves look/feel superior to the other. granted, to some extent we all do this. none of us are perfect. i've even done it. i did it to my siblings when i was going thru my "super religious" phase around 15-16 years old. i'm not proud of it - but i learned from it. if i had been too proud to listen to my sisters (and i didn't right away) when they told me they felt judged by me, i might never have seen how wrong i was. i might never have seen that i wasn't showing god's love to anyone. and that is the number one thing god calls us to do. christian or no christian, everyone can agree that love is something everyone wants and can't do without.

i think part of what makes me feel so upset about this - and so disgusted at myself at 15/16, is because growing up all i ever received from my parents was conditional love. which, isn't love at all. it's some sick, twisted, fake attempt at love. and it's damaging. seriously damaging. the link below is a project i did for my women's studies class. it was the final project and the goal was simply to express yourself with a medium of your choice. but it had to be creative. i chose to express myself with a video with one of my favorite songs...Ginny Owens - Without Condition. the lyrics are below. this song puts to words my feelings toward my parents regarding my childhood and the suedo-christian, super-religious, paranoid, insecure and judgmental home i was brought up in.

click here to see the video. (it's about 3.9MB so if you don't have a high speed connection it may take a little bit to load.)

You find this situation just a bit uncomfortable;
You'd rather stay far away from reality.
For you to understand would be clearly impossible;
So you shut your eyes and swear you can see.
Claiming there is a God, but does that mean anything?
So condescending to those that you don't understand;
Just too easy to make them your enemies.
Like an ostrich, you bury your head in the sand,
And then shout about all the things you believe.
But if there is a God, don't you think He can see
What you really mean? What you're doing?

You can't find the answers
Till you learn to question;
You won't appear stupid
Just ask for direction.
You're insecure and it clouds your perception
So stop and listen
And learn a lesson in love without condition.

So place all the souls that you know
in their own little box;
Quite convenient to handle them that way;
You're the only one you know who carries a cross
You don't care what they care about anyway.
You talk to your God,
Prayin' for those who sin,
For their eyes to be opened.
~Ginny Owens - Without Condition
Click here to listen to a clip from itunes.

crapola

wanna make something sound stupid? Just go to this website. type in some text and choose "valley girl" as your translation.....

examples of "it's pretty funny":
in valley girl: "it's pretty funny. Oh my God!"
in boston accent: "it's pretty funny, Jamal!"
in canadian: "it's preddy funny!"
in pig latin: "ityay's ettypray unnyfay!"
in smurf: "it's smurfy smurfy!"

it's even more fun to type in a website instead. try a news website - or better yet, try your own blog!

recap

i think i had just about the best valentine's day ever. seriously. even from the very beginning of the day. (excluding of course the fact that i actually had to wake up and get out of bed). anthony and i got into it as usual. something about huskies wearing socks to keep them warm when they pull snow sleds.
me: "anthony, huskies don't wear socks....some people may call the white fur on the feet of some of them socks, but they're not actual, cloth, material socks..." anthony: "yes, they do...huskies do actually wear this special material that...." blah, blah, blah...one day i'll learn to just roll my eyes and keep my mouth shut. but no, there's something in me that just cannot let something like that go by without so much as a comment of correction when it's so blatantly, ridiculously, wrong. ok, so you can see now (proof in the pudding) that i just can't let stuff go. anyway, our typical arguments usually make me grumpy but not today. it was actually just enough ridiculousness to push me over into a weird, contended, happiness instead. which was quite pleasant. and although i would like to take full credit for being the "adult" and not engaging fully into his ridiculous discussion, i think the half-dose of day quill might have had something to do with it. and the fact that anthony had also just surprised me with valentines chocolates.

get to work. fill up my coffee cup. say my goodmornings. get to my desk and find potted flowers, hershey's kisses, and candy hearts from my sweet, wonderful, awesome mother in-law. and no, for those of you who don't know, i'm not being sarcastic. i actually love my mother in-law probably more than my very own. (which i suppose isn't hard to imagine if you've ever met or know anything about my biological mom) but nevertheless, kerry is awesome. and so very sweet. i couldn't wish for a better mother in-law.

after musing over the flowers and feeling way over spoiled by kerry. i figured i should get back to work and started to check email. well, just then my day got even better. i got an ecard from my hubby nate wishing me a happy valentine's day. and no, i'm not going to quote it for you. but it was perfect.

so, for all of you who hate dentist appointments this would be the "downer" in this story....but wait....it's not. i had a dentist appointment scheduled for 4:40pm. (who know's why i scheduled a dentist appointment on valentine's day??) so when the time came i left work hoping that the dentist would not tell me what i thought was true. i have a cavity. so i went in, hoping for the best but feeling the inevitable truth....that the pain in my tooth was actually a cavity and my pretty clean track record of "little to no" cavities was broken. well, this is precisely where the story turns. but first: in the past, i've never been one of those people who hate going to the dentist...it's never bothered me. don't know why. but today i had a revelation. not only did the dentists tell me that i had no cavities at all, he lavished praises on me for my "beautiful" teeth! sheesh. what a place to find your self-esteem built up! and if i remember correctly, almost every time i see the dentist i get the same feedback. so here's my revelation: i think i don't mind the dentist because my teeth always get praised. how's that for weird? and the extra cool part about the whole thing is; i didn't even do anything to get my teeth that way, i don't even know what categorizes a person's teeth as "beautiful" anyway. but hell, i'll take it! at least that's one positive thing my parents gave me. so, i found myself oddly happy, yet again today.

ok, so i know this is getting long and you're all getting bored so i'll finish with just one more thing. i have to say, if it hadn't been for tracy & marcus, ryan, and matt - nate and i would not have been able to go out together. tracy picked up anthony from school today and he hung out at their place until ryan picked him up later in the evening and hung with him until he went to bed. matt was especially kind by covering nate and i at tnt tonight. thanks you guys! you all ROCK!

so that sounded like an awards acceptance speech....

last but not least nate and i were able to go out and catch dinner at the Crab Shack and saw a movie. "The World's Fastest Indian." what a great movie! it's perfect for any age. well, maybe not any age....but it was good. it's what i would call a "heart warmer." which i thought was perfect for a valentine's date. cause you have to admit . . . . choosing the perfect movie for a valentine date (or any for that matter) is pretty important. i mean, seriously, find a bad movie....the two of you could just end up feeling awkward the entire rest of the evening....and that's just no fun for anyone. my philosophy: safer is always better on an important evening. we originally wanted to see "Having Fun With Dick & Jane" (which looks hilarious!) but we couldn't find it at any of the theaters....so maybe it's on DVD already?

anyway, i'm done rambling now....

ezer

ezer. a definition of woman i can agree on. finally.

"And God blessed them, and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and conquer it, and hold sway over the fish of the sea and the fowl of the heavens and every beast that crawls upon the earth.' (Gen. 1:26-28 Alter)"~Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge

this is the only redeeming section in this book. the rest, in my opinion, is mostly crap. i'm having a hard time even finishing the book. however, i do like their definition of woman and what she was created for....

"Call it the Human Mission-to be all and do all God sent us here to do. And notice-the mission to be fruitful and conquer and hold sway is given both to Adam and to Eve. 'And God said to them...' Eve is standing right there when God gives the world over to us. She has a vital role to play; she is a partner in this great adventure. All that human beings were intended to do here on earth-all the creativity and exploration, all the battle and rescue and nurture-we were intended to do together. In fact, not only is Eve needed, but she is desperately needed.

When God creates Eve, he calls her an ezer kenegdo. 'It is not good for the man to be alone, I shall make him [an ezer kenegdo]' (Gen. 2:18 Alter). Hebrew scholar Robert Alter, who has spent years translating the book of Genesis, says that this phrase is 'notoriously difficult to translate.' The various attempts we have in English are "helper" or "companion" or the notorious "help meet." Why are these translations so incredibly wimpy, boring, flat...disappointing? What is a help meet, anyway? What little girl dances through the house singing "One day I shall be a help meet?" Companion? A dog can be a companion. Helper? Sounds like Hamburger Helper. Alter is getting close when he translates it "sustainer beside him"

The word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. And in every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperately.

'Blessed are you, O Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the LORD? He is your shield and helper and your glorious sward.' (Deut. 33:26,29, emphasis added)

'I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.' (Ps. 121:1-2, ephasis added)

'May the LORD answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. May he send you help.' (Ps. 20:1-2, emphasis added)

'We wait in hope for the LORD, he is our help and our shield.' (Ps. 33:20, emphasis added)

'O house of Israel, trust in the LORD-he is their help and shield.
O house of Aaron, trust in the LORD-he is ther help and shield.
You who fear him, trust in the LORD-he is their help and shield.'
(Ps. 115:9-11, emphasis added)

Most of the contexts are life and death, by the way, and God is your only hope. Your ezer. If he is not there beside you . . . you are dead. A better translation therefore of ezer would be "lifesaver." Kenegdo means alongside, or opposite to, a counterpart.

You see, the life God calls us to is not a safe life. Ask Joseph, Abraham, Moses, Deborah, Esther-any of the friends of God from the Old Testament. God calls us to a life involving frequent risks and many dangers. Why else would we need him to be our ezer? You don't need a lifesaver if your mission is to be a couch potato. You need an ezer when your life is in constant danger.

Picture the character Arwen in the mythic motion-picture trilogy, The Lord of the Rings. Arwen is a princess, a beautiful and brave elf maiden. She comes into the story in the nick of time to rescue the little hobbit Frodo just as the poisoned wound moving toward his heart is about to claim him.

ARWEN: He's fading. He's not going to last. We must get him to my father. I've been looking for you for two days. There are five wraiths behind you. Where the other four are, I do not know.

ARAGORN: Stay with the hobbits. I'll send horses for you.

ARWEN: I'm the faster rider. I'll take him.

ARAGORN: The road is too dangerous.

ARWEN: I do not fear them.

ARAGORN: (relinquishing to her, he takes her hand.) Arwen, ride hard. Don't look back.

It is she, not the warrior Aragorn, who rides with glory and speed. She is Frodo's only hope. She is the one entrusted with his life and with him, the future of all Middle Earth. She is his ezer kenegdo.

That longing in the heart of a woman to share life together as a great adventure-that comes straight from the heart of God, who also longs for this. He does not want to be an option in our lives. He does not want to be an appendage, a tagalong. Neither does any woman. God is essential. He wants us to need him-desperately. Eve is essential. She has an irreplaceable role to play. And so you'll see that women are endowed with fierce devotion, an ability to suffer great hardships, a vision to make the world a better place.

[...]

What we said was, first, that Eve is the crown of creation. There is something uniquely magnificent and powerful about a woman. We tried to reveal the immeasurable dignity, the holiness of your feminine heart by showing that it is God who longs for Romance; it is God who longs to be our ezer; it is God who reveals beauty as essential to life. You are the image bearer of this God. That is why you long for those things too.

There is a radiance hidden in your heart that the world desperately needs.

deep breath in....deep breath out.

how refreshing to hear that woman was not simply an after thought. how refreshing to hear of woman as the "image bearer" of God. how refreshing and validating to hear my heart's desires are also God's desires. how refreshing to hear that woman bears the "other side" if you will of God's heart. so wonderful to hear the words "woman" and "powerful" together in the same sentence without negativity associated with it.

this definition of woman as ezer is so very empowering. the imagery that it creates in my mind is absolutely amazing. think of it this way. man was created to bear the image of "one side" of God's heart and woman was created to bear the image of the "other side" of God's heart. how beautiful is that? i can't quite fully wrap my mind or imagination around it. just wow!

doesn't this definition just feel right? and doesn't it just make sense?

bono

Bono's best sermon yet: Remarks at the National Prayer Breakfast


[RUSH TRANSCRIPT: CHECK AGAINST DELIVERED REMARKS]

If you're wondering what I'm doing here, at a prayer breakfast, well, so am I. I'm certainly not here as a man of the cloth, unless that cloth is leather. It's certainly not because I'm a rock star. Which leaves one possible explanation: I'm here because I've got a messianic complex.

Yes, it's true. And for anyone who knows me, it's hardly a revelation.

Well, I'm the first to admit that there's something unnatural...something unseemly...about rock stars mounting the pulpit and preaching at presidents, and then disappearing to their villas in the south of France. Talk about a fish out of water. It was weird enough when Jesse Helms showed up at a U2 concert...but this is really weird, isn't it?

You know, one of the things I love about this country is its separation of church and state. Although I have to say: in inviting me here, both church and state have been separated from something else completely: their mind.

Mr. President, are you sure about this? [...]

for the rest go here.

crap!

i let the anniversary of my blog's first year go by unnoticed! January 8th, 2005 was my first post ever in the blogging world. go bloggers. down with the slackers.

yeah!