top ten

inspired by charlie from LOST (pathetic that i'm inspired by a fictional tv character) i'm listing the top ten best moments of my life so far. it might seem easy for some, but for me this was very difficult. i tried to list things as if i were about to die. not to be morbid, but to see what i'd come up with. because it seems to me that if i knew i were about to die, i would be less likely to think of superficial stuff and more likely to think of the real, truly life changing stuff.

meeting my maker finding i can know Him on a deep and very personal level. realizing just how gracious He really is, that He could sacrifice so much to love such a big headed and arrogant idiot. me.

finding new heights church my church has really become my family. here i realized i can be myself, He sees everything. all my faults, my screwups, even who i am at the very core, the stuff that i would be mortified anyone saw. and with all that, God still wants me. and better yet, He desires me on a level no one on this earth ever will. and i can't even begin to wrap my brain around it.

meeting nate kissing him for the first time and our wedding day. i am truly blessed to have met nate. he puts up with my blonde moments (i have many). he's patient as i learn how to be wrong sometimes. he extremely kind, detoted, loyal and as corny as it sounds, he is very wise. i've never known a person who thinks through things quite like him. he balances me out.

raising tony having the wonderful opportunity to raise my brother. tony has been a blessing in our lives. watching him grow and become an outstanding adolescent has been awesome. the transformation he's been through since he came to our home is amazing. yes, he's still annoying. but he's simply fulfilling his job description of a teen. it'll pass in due time. ;-)

lost i'll never forget when/where i was when i got the call that our best friends hadn't been heard from since they went out hiking on memorial day. that was one of the scariest experiences of my life. waiting for them to be rescued. feeling so helpless. thinking i would never see them again. horrible. i can't imagine what it was like for their family. and although they were rescued and I heard stories of what it was like, i can only imagine what it really must have been like for them. realizing those days could be their last...this was definitely one of the most memorable moments of my life.

girl-friends there is an incredible value in good friendships. i remember when i first began to realize how valuable it was to have a girl-friend i could talk to about anything. for some time i thought all i needed was my husband. and for the most part i do share just about everything with nate. but there are some things that i keep just between me and my best friend and times when i know, she is the only one that will get what i'm trying to say. it was also then i realized my husband couldn't possibly be expected to be, do and fill everything for me. he will never be able to fill the "girlfriend" hole and i shouldn't expect him to.

discovering camping, hiking & enjoying the outdoors. i'm so grateful to live in the northwest. God is so creative. i love it that i'm able to work in a creative field and create. it makes me feel close to my creator. spending time outdoors in the middle of His creation helps me refocus on the important stuff in life.

moving out i moved out (was kicked out) of my home at 18. in hindsight this was the best thing God ever orchestrated in my life. (well, who am i to know if it was the best thing ever) but looking back i know He was in it. leaving home allowed me to see my parents for what they really were. damaged and not perfect. it wasn't until i got out of the situation and years later that i began to see what was really going on in my home at that time.

philippines i went to the philippines on a missions trip when i was 15. i can't begin to describe how impactful this trip was for me. i wouldn't recommend the group i went with or the reason i went. however simply in going, it extremely expanded my world view. i feel especially fortunate to have it opened to me at such a young age. i'm definitely an advocate of travel out of your home country. i'm even more of an advocate that it happen when you're young.

Mt. St. Helens a pilot friend of ours flew nate and i for a ride over Mt. St. Helens. i'll never forget that view. i got a little air sick but it was certainly worth it!

mother

every time i listen to this song i wanna cry. the very guts of my soul wishes i could say this of my mom. there've been other "mom" tribute songs out there i've heard. i even dedicated one of those "mom" songs to my mother in law who's been the best mom i could ever ask for. but this one is different. beth hart's voice does something to me. i don't know how to explain it. when i listen to this song my heart longs for a past i will never, ever call my own. my reality is a past without a mom like this. i only hope i can learn from all that and be this song for my children someday.

Mother may I, and I would say
Yes sweet baby take it away
It won't be long
Just just remember
That powerful is the woman in you
And stay true now
And she'd come to me
When fire & water was gone
To caress the empty with a song
Saying why cry for anger
That bullet the sky
Just remember
And I'll remember mama
I'll get by

And I know my face
Seems crazed & wild
But I got her eyes
The mama's child am I
She's blessed with grace
Is smooth as a line
And when I shade
She helps me shine
And she comes to me
when there's nothing I believe
And holds me so high yes I am free
Saying why hold the anger
It won't let you fly
Just remember
And I'll remember
Cause mama, mama
I'll get by

Confused by my own illusion
She said that it's only my pride
And even the simplest solutions
Still won't heal my mind
So I'll remember
I'll remember
I'll get by
~Beth Hart - Screamin' For My Supper
Click here to listen to a clip from itunes.

*sigh*

Racing on a faultline
Bracing for a landslide
Conscious of everything getting harder
As the race goes underwater

I keep stalling out
I just can't keep up
There's alarming doubt
Am I good enough?
But you keep coming around
to convince me
It's still far from over
~Mute Math - Stall Out
Click here to listen to a clip from itunes.

i've become increasingly aware lately of all my inadequacy, insecurities, doubts, and a myriad of others. it's not a fun place to be. all i want to do is retreat. hide. runaway. but i know i shouldn't. actually, reality tells me i can't. sometimes i hate reality.

name tags

just awesome. this is hilarious.

chaos

Complication's my claim to fame
And I can’t believe there’s another
Constantly just another
I can’t avoid what I can’t control
And I’m losing ground
Still I can’t stand down
And I know, yeah I know, yeah

I know you stay true when my world is false
And everything around is making time a chaos
I always seek you when my sight is lost
And everything around is making time a chaos

It’s hard to trust anyone again
After all the letdowns I’ve been through
Haunted by what I’ve been through
Best to try while I still can breathe
And I’m screaming out
Give me hope somehow
And I know, yeah I know, yeah

I know you stay true when my world is false
And everything around is making time a chaos
I always seek you when my sight is lost
And everything around is making time a chaos
~Mute Math - Chaos
Click here to listen to a clip from itunes.

christmas

we had the entire week of christmas off this year. i'm the one that likes to sleep in, nate likes to get up early and he's constantly working on something. and it's usually something he thinks he supposed to do, not something fun. it seems like it's constantly raining here in the northwest as well. i like slow mornings where i don't have to rush, i can stay in my pj's and have a nice pancake or waffle breakfast with my family. those moments are few and far between but i can always be assured i will get just that every christmas at least. and i did this year too and it was wonderful. (except omelettes instead of waffles) nate, tony and i spent the night at nate's parents and woke up ready to eat freshly-made cinnamon rolls and omelettes.

Can’t you see it’s just raining?
There ain’t no need to go outside
But baby you hardly even notice
When I try to show you this
Song it’s meant to keep you
From doing what you’re supposed to
Like waking up too early
Maybe we could sleep in
I’ll make you banana pancakes
Pretend like it’s the weekend now
And we could pretend it all the time
Can’t you see that it’s just raining
There ain’t no need to go outside
But just maybe, hala ka ukulele
Mama made a baby
I really don’t mind the practice
Because you’re my little lady
Lady, lady love me
Because I love to lay here lazy
We could close the curtains
Pretend like there’s no world outside
And we could pretend it all the time
Can’t you see that it’s just raining
There ain’t no need to go outside
Ain’t no need, ain’t no need
Can’t you see, can’t you see
Rain all day and I don’t mind
Telephone singing, ringing, it’s too early
Don’t pick it up
We don’t need to
We got everything we need right here
And everything we need is enough
It’s just so easy
When the whole world fits inside of your arms
Do we really need to pay attention to the alarm
Wake up slow, wake up slow
But baby, you hardly even notice
When I try to show you this
Song it’s meant to keep you
From doing what you’re supposed to
Like waking up too early
Maybe we could sleep in
I’ll make you banana pancakes
Pretend like it’s the weekend now
And we could pretend it all the time
Can’t you see that it’s just raining
There ain’t no need to go outside
Ain’t no need, ain’t no need
Rain all day and I really really really don’t mind
Can’t you see, can’t you see
We’ve got to wake up slow
~Jack Johnson - Banana Pancakes
Click here to listen to a clip from itunes.

then came the presents! this is some of what i got for christmas...




ya. it was a good christmas! ;-)