away

sorry I've been away....this time i haven't been out of town, (well not the whole time) but i've been away in more than one way......let's just say i've been really....consumed....by just about everything. i really don't have any time and shouldn't be posting right now but......hey, i need a break for a sec.

so, how about a list of the top 5 things that've kept me away? i like lists.
1. school - this and next week is finals and i'm a week behind due to number 2. and if i don't finish i have to take incompletes, which i really don't want to do but don't know how lenient my teachers will be....i graduate on the 9th.
2. emergency idaho trip - to pick up and bring back to washington, my younger sister Janice (15) who was in danger due to my parents.
3. instant 13 year old - my youngest brother is in protective custody of my husband and i and it looks like his time with us may be long term....maybe even permanent.
4. incarceration - no, not me. my dad, yes, my dad, is currently in jail (hopefully he stays there) and my mom should be incarcerated too but i think a mental institution would better suit her......at least then she couldn't bail my dad out of jail.
5. new job - ya, i'm still trying to get situated in my new job.....

thankfully i have a very gracious pastor for a boss who was the very same pastor that helped me way back when some of the crap hit the fan back in '98... (that's another story) i am also very grateful for his help in all this "family" stuff and he was right there again when the "ticking time bomb" went off. it had been ticking for a long time....and we were all just waiting for it...

i'm just happy all the crap hit the fan this time and now we can start new, fresh, healthy.....and i'm not doing it all alone this time....

class blog

EXAMINING PHOTOS BLOG...
Okay! i've updated it.....check it out. more on the way...

update

Aaaaah! I have so much to update on this blog....
i'm listening to new music, spending time on new sites, just aborbing new stuff in general. i'm sooo busy with school though.....(stay tuned for updates where i'll show you some of my projects in digital photography & design fundamentals) :) so, sorry all....i have so much more to offer....just not now.....just be thankful i'm not as bad as nate. heheh

ugly girl

this song is so appropriate after being dumped...it was my theme song the first time i was dumped. :) everytime i hear it I can't help but laugh at how evil and sinister it is....

when I saw you at the grocery store
you were sharing a shopping cart with her
and I couldn't turn and run away
I didn't know what to say
you introduced us for the first time
and I had to look her in the eye
but you could not imagine my surprise
can't you see you're leaving me for an ugly girl

does she talk about politics
and all the stuff that used to make me sick
does she smoke cigars and stay up late
oh she's so great
does she tell you what you want to hear
and I bet that she could grow a beard
I'd feel better thinking you were queer
it's not fair I can't compare to an ugly girl

ha ha ha the jokes on me
I feel jealous and I feel mean
is she so nice that it makes up for her face
there's no way
do you have to keep your eyes closed
do you have to keep the lights down low
oh I bet you wish you had a blindfold
can't you see you're leaving me for an ugly girl
~Fleming and John

Click here to listen to a clip of this song from itunes.
nice, huh? :)

healed anyway

as i was going through an old box i found a book, inside i found these doodles. immediately i was reminded of the group i read the book with and quickly recalled what a difficult time i was having at that point in my life...
..."difficult" in a painful, yet very beneficial way. like having a cut re-opened and washed out so that it can heal; this time so that it has a better chance at healing without infection.....



it's funny; looking at these two doodles, i immediately thought "oh look, one of these doodles looks angry and the other looks resolved and more 'happy.' i must have been a mess before and never noticed it, yet it came out in my doodles..." it was almost a "proof is in the puding" kind of thing for a moment......and then i looked at the dates. the one that appeared to be angry was drawn after the one that seemed to be 'happy.'i was happy and then i became angry? if in fact my doodling was me responding to something going on inside myself, then given the actual dates of the drawings........what did that mean? I pondered this for a moment....

then i remembered a few traits of my personality that trip me up at times. 1) i put up walls 2) i wear masks and 3) i'm forgetful about even myself...about who i really am.........then it dawned on me; the seemingly 'happy' drawing was representative of my attitude before the difficult task of examining myself started (mask and all) and the seemingly 'angry' drawing was representative of my inside unwillingness to do so during the process...

re-opening wounds is never a 'walk in the park.' nevertheless it must happen in order to find healing...these two songs are ones that communicate this to me. i play them often to remind myself of God's plan for me despite all the other competing messages thrown at me...including the ones i throw myself...

....we are a work of art and He is the ultimate restoration artist...

"Anyway"
Bless the day
This restoration is complete
Dirty dusty something must be underneath
So I scrape and I scuff
Though it's never quite enough
I'm starting to see me finally

A gallery of paintings new and paintings old
I guess it's no surprise that I'm no Michelangelo
Every layer of mine hides a lovely design
It might take a little patience
It might take a little time

But You called me beautiful
When You saw my shame
And You placed me on the wall
Anyway

You who have begun this work will someday see
A portrait of the holiness You meant for me
So I polish and shine
til it's easier to find even an outline of mine

But You called me beautiful
When you saw my shame
And You placed me on the wall
Anyway
And You placed me on the wall
Anyway
~Nichole Nordeman
Click here to listen to a clip of this song from itunes.

...what God has for us is far greater than anything we could ever imagine...

"Healed"
We stutter and we stammer til You say us
A symphony of chaos til You play us
Phrases on the pages of unknown
Til You read us into poetry and prose

We are kept and we are captive til You free us
Vaguely unimagined til You dream us
Aimlessly unguided til You lead us home

By Your voice, we speak
By Your strength, no longer weak
We are no longer weak

By Your wounds we are healed
By Your wounds we are healed

Passed over and passed by until You claim us
Orphaned and abandoned til You name us
Hidden and disclosed til You expose our hearts

By Your death we live
It is by Your gift that we might give
That we might give

By Your wounds we are healed
(Tell me what kind of love is this...)
By Your wounds we are healed

What kind of love would take your shame
And spill His blood for you
And save us by His wounds?

By Your wounds we are healed
(Tell me what kind of love is this...)
By Your wounds we are healed
~Nichole Nordeman
Click here to listen to a clip of this song from itunes.