healed anyway

as i was going through an old box i found a book, inside i found these doodles. immediately i was reminded of the group i read the book with and quickly recalled what a difficult time i was having at that point in my life...
..."difficult" in a painful, yet very beneficial way. like having a cut re-opened and washed out so that it can heal; this time so that it has a better chance at healing without infection.....



it's funny; looking at these two doodles, i immediately thought "oh look, one of these doodles looks angry and the other looks resolved and more 'happy.' i must have been a mess before and never noticed it, yet it came out in my doodles..." it was almost a "proof is in the puding" kind of thing for a moment......and then i looked at the dates. the one that appeared to be angry was drawn after the one that seemed to be 'happy.'i was happy and then i became angry? if in fact my doodling was me responding to something going on inside myself, then given the actual dates of the drawings........what did that mean? I pondered this for a moment....

then i remembered a few traits of my personality that trip me up at times. 1) i put up walls 2) i wear masks and 3) i'm forgetful about even myself...about who i really am.........then it dawned on me; the seemingly 'happy' drawing was representative of my attitude before the difficult task of examining myself started (mask and all) and the seemingly 'angry' drawing was representative of my inside unwillingness to do so during the process...

re-opening wounds is never a 'walk in the park.' nevertheless it must happen in order to find healing...these two songs are ones that communicate this to me. i play them often to remind myself of God's plan for me despite all the other competing messages thrown at me...including the ones i throw myself...

....we are a work of art and He is the ultimate restoration artist...

"Anyway"
Bless the day
This restoration is complete
Dirty dusty something must be underneath
So I scrape and I scuff
Though it's never quite enough
I'm starting to see me finally

A gallery of paintings new and paintings old
I guess it's no surprise that I'm no Michelangelo
Every layer of mine hides a lovely design
It might take a little patience
It might take a little time

But You called me beautiful
When You saw my shame
And You placed me on the wall
Anyway

You who have begun this work will someday see
A portrait of the holiness You meant for me
So I polish and shine
til it's easier to find even an outline of mine

But You called me beautiful
When you saw my shame
And You placed me on the wall
Anyway
And You placed me on the wall
Anyway
~Nichole Nordeman
Click here to listen to a clip of this song from itunes.

...what God has for us is far greater than anything we could ever imagine...

"Healed"
We stutter and we stammer til You say us
A symphony of chaos til You play us
Phrases on the pages of unknown
Til You read us into poetry and prose

We are kept and we are captive til You free us
Vaguely unimagined til You dream us
Aimlessly unguided til You lead us home

By Your voice, we speak
By Your strength, no longer weak
We are no longer weak

By Your wounds we are healed
By Your wounds we are healed

Passed over and passed by until You claim us
Orphaned and abandoned til You name us
Hidden and disclosed til You expose our hearts

By Your death we live
It is by Your gift that we might give
That we might give

By Your wounds we are healed
(Tell me what kind of love is this...)
By Your wounds we are healed

What kind of love would take your shame
And spill His blood for you
And save us by His wounds?

By Your wounds we are healed
(Tell me what kind of love is this...)
By Your wounds we are healed
~Nichole Nordeman
Click here to listen to a clip of this song from itunes.