messy

this song, really speaks to my yoyo self right now. the yoyo self that i have a hard time accepting. however, the truth that i am known by Him. and that it's ok. i've found myself hopping back and forth between feeling sure of the decisions i've made recently and at the same time feeling like the decisions i've made, i haven't really made for myself at all.

It's been so long, said it's been too long
Can't remember when I've felt so known
You're so warm shelter me from the storm
And the fears that are just so cold

when i'm feeling sure of the decisions i've made, the notion that "i'm not really making any difference after all because my life's been so messy" and that "i can't possibly be making a difference...", etc., etc. flow in and the first part of the following verses ring true.

They're telling me things get messy when you care
Things are messy everywhere
and don't I know it,
don't I show it
Every time I look away
'cause what can I do
what can I say to help myself
Or to help anybody else

when i'm feeling that i haven't really made these decisions for myself and that i was somehow "trapped" by this looming "responsibility" that i couldn't deny even if i tried, that's when the second part of the following verses ring true. "You meet me in my need...." how could i deny anyone else when He's met me in my need in the middle of my mess?

You meet me in my need
You bring new life to me
And You go beyond what I feel
Your life brought more than freedom
Your love brought time
just what I needed
to see I needed You

and then again, His peace settles over me with the assurance that it's all apart of His plan....my yoyo self goes through this pattern almost everyday...sometimes almost every hour.

One of these days it will be easier to mean what I say
If I remember each and every day
That this world is not my home and I never walk alone
And before time began my days were known by You~Jill Paquette