underwhelmed

well, i have to say. i have mixed reviews so far on this book. and ya, i'm bummed. i'm over half-way finished with it and although there are passages in it that really resonate with me....a large part of the book does not. i feel like i can find deep and meaningful quotes from it....but nothing really life changing. but really, why was i looking to a "christian" book for the meaning of woman when His word is right here at my fingertips to explore. maybe i was trying to take the easy way out. who knows. but i'm bummed by it. the introduction had me hooked. but i don't feel like the introduction was even close to an accurate preview into what the book would be about. on the contrary, i felt even more stereotyped and categorized than before! i was planning on reading the first book John wrote, "Wild At Heart" which is for men, but now i'm not so sure. maybe i'll still read it but after this read, i'm a little skeptical about what i will find in that book. for instance, all of chapter 5 basically says that the reason for all of the mistreatment of women over the centuries and over all of time was because satan has a "special hatred" for women.

quote:

"The assault on femininity-it's long history, its utter viciousness-cannot be understood apart from the spiritual forces of evil we are warned against in the Scriptures. This is not to say that men (and women, for they, too, assault women) have no accountability in their treatment of women. Not at all. It is simply to say that no explanation for the assault upon Eve and her daughters is sufficient unless it opens our eyes to the Prince of Darkness and his special hatred of femininity."

and the following are some of the reasons they use to back up this claim:

quote:

"Turn your attention again to the events that took place in the Garden of Eden. Notice-who does the Evil One go after? Who does Satan single out for his move against the human race? He could have chosen Adam...but he didn't. Satan went after Eve. He set his sights on her. Have you ever wondered why? It might have been that he, like any predator, chose what he believed to be the weaker of the two."

ok, we get it - satan chose women because we're the weaker of the two.....how many times have we heard that? or at least something very similar...but it gets worse...

quote:

"Satan fell because of his beauty. Now his heart for revenge is to assault beauty. He destroys it in the natural world wherever he can. Strip mines, oil spills, fires, Chernobyl. He wreaks destruction on the glory of God in the earth like a psychopath committed to destroying great works of art. But most especially, he hates Eve. Because she is captivating, uniquely glorious, and he cannot be. [...] He hates it with a jealousy we can only imagine..."

it's almost too much....i almost can't believe what I'm reading....but there's more...

quote:

The Evil One also hates Eve because she gives life. Women give birth, not men. Women nourish life. And they also bring life into the world soulfully, relationally, spiritually - in everything they touch. Satan was a murderer from the beginning (John 8:44). He brings death. His is a kingdom of death. Ritual sacrifices, genocide, the Holocaust, abortion - those are his ideas. And thus Eve is his greatest human threat, for she brings life. [...] Put those two things together - that Eve incarnates the Beauty of God and she gives life to the world. Satan's bitter heart cannot bear it. He assaults her with a special hatred. History removes any doubt about this.

whoa, hold up a bit. ok, now, it seems logical to me that satan may have a hand in the mistreatment of women but i think it's a mistake to credit him for all of it. i believe there are three reasons. 1 our sinful natures after the fall - we are all broken, 2 personal choices of mankind's free will and 3 satan. i do not however, believe that satan has a "special hatred" for women. you just can't walk around saying and believing that all the bad things that happen in the world are satan's doing! because it's then that you're forgetting that you have free will. you, make your own decisions. not anyone else.

the very first quote above is the only time this book mentions anything about individuals being held accountable for their own actions. i'm up to chapter 9 now and every idea after chapter 5 build on the idea - the belief, that satan has a "special hatred" for women. i'm not buying it and there's no Scripture to back it up.

however, despite my objections to the majority of this book, there are a few parts that i feel there is some truth in. below is a quote where John is writing.

quote:

"What is this thing in me-and in most men-that just doesn’t want to go deep into a woman’s world? You are too much. Too hard. It’s too much work. Men are simpler. Easier. And isn’t that just the message you’ve lived with all your life as a woman? “You’re too much, and not enough. You’re just not worth the effort.” (And why is it such an effort? There must be something wrong with you.)
Now, part of a man's fundamental reluctance to truly dive into the world of a woman comes from a man's deepest fear, failure. Oh, he may joke about "the differences of men and women," Mars and Venus and all that. But the truth is, he is afraid. He fears that having delved into his woman's world, he won't have what it takes to help her there. That is his sin. That is his cowardice. And because of her shame, most of the time a man gets away with it. Most marriages (and long-term dating relationships) reach this sort of unspoken settlement. "I'm not coming any closer. This is as far as I'm willing to go. But, I won't leave, and that ought to make you happy." And so there is this sort of détente, a cordial agreement to live only so close. The effect is that most women feel alone."

now, although i'm not so sure about the part about "man's deepest fear" being failure (i'd have to ask a guy) but the part in that quote that resonates with me is the fact that i do feel like “too much, and not enough.” but why? why do i feel like this? although he goes on to say, “some of this is simply selfishness on the part of men. Lord knows men are selfish and self-centered.” ok, ya, i guess but i also think that statement is kindov an unfair and negative sterotype of men too…this is where i get stuck again with the book. he says, “But there is something else.” and that “something else” again, ends up being that “The Enemy bears a special hatred for Eve.” and that is why men supposedly get that feeling of “back off-stay away” when given the opportunity to delve into the soul of a woman.

i’m just not buying it…again. i don’t believe it’s that simple. Relationships aren’t that simple. and for pete’s sake, you’re writing a book about women, and saying that we’re complicated

quote from John:

“To do any sort of justice to a book for women would require me to go deeper, listen even more carefully, study, delve into the mystery (okay-bloody mess) of a woman’s soul.”

yet your answers are so very simple? it’s all satan’s fault? i don’t think so. by the way, why is he calling a woman’s soul a “bloody mess”? i find that insulting. my soul isn’t a “bloody mess”. well, not any more of a mess than any man’s soul is. i mean, come on, seriously! and even if it were true that every woman’s soul was a “bloody mess” why would you say that in a book you’re writing to/for women!?!? dumb guy.

all in all. i think i've learned a good lesson. never look to a "christian" book or any other book but the Bible, to answer as deep a question as what it means to be a woman. and never, ever, read another book for women, written by a man. (aside from God of course.)

northwest

i love the northwest. i could never imagine myself living anywhere else. there's so much to do here! there's mountains for climbing, hiking, skiing, snowboarding, etc. there's ocean for beach combing, atv'ing, claming, surfing, wind surfing, etc. there's plenty of lakes for water skiing, tubing, jet skiing, fishing, etc. there's plenty of cool places to camp and yurt. you can find a place for just about any outdoor activity that you'd ever wished or dreamed of doing. i love this place!

all last weekend i was reminded of just how much i love this place. nate and i go yurting every year at Cape Lookout with a group of about 5 or 6 families with an average of 3 kids per family. (ya, you're right, that is alot! but it's so much fun!) last weekend was our annual yurting trip. we rented a small boat and went crabbing, walked on the beach at night with only the moon as a light source, watched hangliders take off from the side of the road at Cape Lookout (very exciting!), sat in a bar near the sand dunes to watch the game with a friend i never would've suspected to have any interest in football (i sure don't) and last but not least, i got in plenty of reading. so nice. so relaxing. we stayed at Cape Lookout friday and saturday night and came back into town sunday afternoon. then got up, o'dark-thirty in the morning on monday to go snowboarding on mt hood. it was my first time and today i am so sore! the snow on the mountain was perfect. the only bummer was that i leant my gloves to a little middle schooler during my snowboard lesson and found out just how bad it sucks to try and snowboard with out gloves.

although winters in the northwest rock, summers are even better! i'm getting very anxious and excited for a long, 11 day or so camping trip with nate and a couple close friends in august. nate is going to bike across the Astoria bridge on the Washington side, to Oregon and bike all the way to the california border. each night we'll set up camp in a new location and wait as the guys bike all day, then meet us at camp to sleep for the night, then get up and bike all day again....i'm glad i'm not the one biking! whew! it should be really fun though for those of us who are driving, setting up camp and then sitting around all day waiting for the bikers. i'm one of them! ;-) i can't wait!

captivating

ok, so there is no part two to "boys-n-crushes" after all.....there was gonna be. but i got distracted. i was going to tell about how i was crushing on some other boy all the while blair was crushing on me and the irony of that. and i was going to post some of my own personal diary entries on the topic just to balance out the embarrassing musings of blair....but no one really wants to hear about that anyway, right? right. i thought so. ;-)

so here's what i got distracted by. here's some history first: so lately i've been looking for a good, christian book to help me figure out what it means to be a woman. and not just any woman, but a christian woman. a book that would help me separate the cultural messages from the "god" messages. frankly, i don't want to hear about who the american culture tells me i need to be as a woman because i've listened to those all my life and all they end up telling me is that i don't measure up. that i'm not pretty enough, that i'm too pretty, that i'm not independent enough, that i'm too independent, that motherhood is the best, that motherhood holds you back, and on and on and on....conflicting messages.

but when i look towards "christian" books for an answer, all I get in response is that i talk too much, feel too much, cry too much, dream too much, have too many opinions, don't "serve" enough and never "stay in my place."

can't i be assertive without being labeled a bitch? can't i be nice without being labeled a pushover? can't i agree with the core ideals of the feminist movement without being labeled a femi-nazi or man-hater? can't i enjoy aspects of my femininity without being stereotyped into a category of women who like tea parties? (more power to women who love tea parties - they're just not for me!) can't i be respectful of my husbands wishes and allow him to lead without whispers behind my back saying i must be "one of those submissive house-wives who let's her husband tell her who she should be...." it's all a bunch of crap. and it's coming at me from all sides and every direction. i'm covered in crap here! i'm tired of all the BS! where is the happy-medium?

this is what brought me to the bookstore the other day. after wading through a bunch of "christian" books on a "woman's role" i found this one. "Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul" by John and Stasi Eldredge. the title alone grabbed me, so I read the introduction:

Now we are on holy ground.
Writing a book for men (Wild at Heart) was a fairly straightforward proposition. Not that men are simpletons. But they are the less complicated of the two genders trying to navigate love and life together. Both men and women know this to be true. The mystery of the feminine heart was meant to be a good thing, by the way. A source of joy. Yet it has become a source of shame--women almost universally feel that they are "too much" and "not what they should be." And men tend to pull away from the deeper waters of a woman's soul, unsure of what they will find there or how to handle it. And so we have missed the treasure that is the heart of a woman, missed the richness femininity was meant to bring to our lives, missed the way it speaks to us of the heart of God.

Rest assured--this is not a book about all the things you are failing to do as a woman. We're tired of those books. As a new Christian, the first book I (Stasi) picked up to read on godly femininity I threw across the room. I never picked it up again. In the twenty-five years since, I have only read a few I could wholeheartedly recommend. The rest drive me crazy. Their messages to women make me feel as though, "You are not the woman you ought to be--but if you do the following ten things, you can make the grade." They are, by and large, soul-killing. But femininity cannot be prescribed in a formula.

We have women friends who love tea parties and china, and friends who break out in hives at the thought of them. We have women friends who love to hunt, bow hunt even. Women who love to entertain and women who don't. Women who are professors, moms, doctors, nurses, missionaries, dentists, homemakers, therapists, chefs, artists, poets, rock climbers, triathletes, secretaries, salespeople, and social workers. Beautiful women, all.

So--is a true woman Cinderella or Joan of Arc? Mary Magdalene or Oprah? How do we recover essential femininity without falling into stereotypes, or worse, ushering in more pressure and shame upon our readers? That is the last thing a woman needs. And yet, there is an essence that God has given to every woman. We share something deep and true, down in our hearts. So we venture into this exploration of femininity by way of the heart. What is at the core of a woman's heart? What are her desires? What did we long for as little girls? What do we still long for as women? And, how does a woman begin to be healed from the wounds and tragedies of her life?

Sometime between the dreams of your youth and yesterday, something precious has been lost. And that treasure is your heart, your priceless feminine heart. God has set within you a femininity that is powerful and tender, fierce and alluring. No doubt it has been misunderstood. Surely it has been assaulted. But it is there, your true heart, and it is worth recovering. You are captivating.

So we invite you to take a journey with us, a journey of discovery and healing. For your heart is the prize of God's Kingdom, and Jesus has come to win you back for himself--all of you. We pray that God will use this book in your life, in your heart, to bring healing, restoration, joy, and life! And if God does that, it will be cause for a wonderful celebration. With teacups and china. Or paper plates. Whatever. One day, we will all celebrate together. In anticipation and hope, may this little book draw you closer to God's heart--and your own.

wow. how refreshing - i am so reading this book! and i'm telling all my girlfriends about it! this is what i've been waiting for. i can't wait to dig in!

boys-n-crushes (part one)

so i was going through an old box of notes, letters and old keepsakes that i’ve stashed away in the attic. it is so much fun going through things that you haven’t seen in a while….especially old letters! i have about two or three shoeboxes full of letters dating way back to when i was a little kid. i went to a private school from kindergarden thru around 3rd or 4th grade, when my family moved away and my mom began homeschooling. i was determined to keep the friendships i had started in private school and decided to exchange addresses with them and stay connected through letters.

as i was shuffling through all the letters i’d kept over the years (because once i’d kept one, it became a habit to keep every letter i ever received) i saw one with a return address and name that said blair. i thought to myself, “blair, blair….blair…why/how do i know that name?” so, i opened the letter and started reading. this is what i read first:

Hi Ya TJ,

This letter is going to start very very seriously. I want you to be honest in answering me. What exactly do you think about me liking you? Please be HONEST. […]

i immediately remembered…and how could i forget? this was the Canadian guy that i met when i went with my church to a winter youth camp thingy in Canada called Avalanche. I was 14 and it was right before my trip to the Philippines. truth be told, i don’t remember actually meeting him…but i do remember my friends and i had nick-named him the “aboat man” because of his Canadian accent. and the whole “TJ” thing…..well, that was during the period in my life when, for whatever reason, i wanted to be called something other than my own name. T.J. are my initials. Teresa June.

he continued…

I have to tell you right now, like after Avalanche, I really, really miss you, and I don’t know how to explain this feeling I get whenever I think about you (almost everday.) […]

and then it all came flooding back….ya – how could i forget this guy….i remember feeling a little flattered, a little embarrassed and sorry for him but also a lot annoyed at him all in one! flattered because…well, i don’t think being flattered really needs an explanation. but sorry for him because…poor guy – not only was he sharing revealing and possibly risky information about his feelings for me, but it seemed like instead of simply spilling his guts – which would have been bad enough – he was really ripping every internal organ out of his body and laying them on a table and pleading and begging me to smash them!

but annoyed at him all at the same time because i remember feeling like no matter how i tried to tell him i wasn’t interested “that way”, he never quite “got” it.

i told him in a letter and over the phone that “i just want to be friends…” you know, that whole bit…..however, it was to no avail. this is part of the very next letter i received and also parts from the 15 plus letters after that all saying the same thing!

I still keep you in mind “a lot” and I still talk about you not that I mean to, but your name keeps coming up in some of my conversations. (Most of the time with Jodie (remember her) I also never ever say anything bad about you) More or less that I would like to see you again. […] It’s 11:20pm and I haven’t heard from you in a while. […] So are you planning on going Avalanche ’96? I sure hope you guys bring a group from the states again. Another reason, I have some good friends who would like to meet you guys. (Yes, I talk about you a lot, nothing bad or personal, more or less, on how much I like you!) To be honest, you’re the only girl I really talk about. My interest in other girls isn’t as strong as what it used to be since I met you. In fact, I don’t really “eye” up girls anymore. […]

oh boy! and it only got worse after he attended a Promise Keepers conference – that’s really when the intestines started to fly!

[…] this conference was and is the best conference I have ever attended. […] To be honest when they got into the section on relationships (marriage) that’s when I fully felt I had to go to Vancouver and see you. (Please don’t get upset) Just listen. (or read) I know you just want to be friends and I fully respect that (since I really would not like being enemies). Anyways, I’m going to tell you again that I believe in my heart that you are the girl for me. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just going to the dogs. (I mean…I get love-sick everytime I think about you) I’ve even been called a love-sick puppy. :) Ever since I’ve met you I’ve tried to come and see you, but it seems to never work out right. I don’t know why!! I guess it just in God’s time when things will work out. Just need to have patience. (and a lot of it). I do have to tell you this one thing though. You are one of the most beautiful girls I have ever met!! I couldn’t tell you if my timing is right or not. I’m just writing what came to my mind, and I pray that it’s what God wants me to write. Things could change and we may never see each other again (pray they don’t). As I said, I believe that you are the one. It’s a matter of growing closer together (may take a few years or a few weeks, who knows), but I know that our “relatioship” as friends can only get better. I don’t want to lose contact with you, at all. […] I still don’t know if your thoughts have changed towards me (I doubt it), but I just break into tears everytime I think about not being able to see you. sometimes LOVE hurts :( […]

he goes on to talk about meeting my parents sometime, and me meeting his parents….etc. and he signed the above letter “your love-sick friend, blair”. Needless to say, after the above letter I began opening each letter after that from him, squinting as I read it, for fear that I would be really, really embarrassed for him this time….any minute…..he’s – going – to – say – something – way – over – the – top……I can’t look!

Blair had to be experiencing the worst crush of all time and i was the victim!

(to be continued…)