exhale and live

[...] Sometimes you’ll laugh
Sometimes you’ll cry
Life never tells us, the when’s or why’s
When you’ve got friends, to wish you well
You’ll find your point when
You will exhale [...]~Whitney Houston - Exhale

last night i had a chance to hang out with a couple girlfriends of mine that i haven't seen in a long time. although it had only been a matter of months, it had seemed like we had been apart for years. we met at applebees for happy hour and talked until the restaurant closed. then we continued to talk in the parking lot until they turned the lights out......i could've stayed up and talked to these gals all night....it was so refreshing - so needed.

i got home around 1:30 and hit the sack but for some reason i couldn't sleep...i tossed and turned all night. i couldn't stop thinking about the things we'd discussed. about 10 major, significant things that had turned my whole world upside-down since i had talked to them, since may of this year....it was just so much to go over. much of it i haven't even begun to process yet and i've been simply "surviving" just to make it everyday. as i lay there with my eyes wide open i told myself "just stop thinking. don't think....about anything. think of blank...nothing. stop thinking." but i couldn't, no matter how hard i tried.

i just want a break. i don't want to own the figure of speech "when it rains, it pours." i don't want it to be mine. but it has been for months now. i would love to let it all go...and then exhale. i guess i'm just not there yet....i'm still holding my breath. as my friend said last night, "i'm just feeling a little gun-shy." me too. i'm holding my breath but i don't want to be. i want to exhale and live. free my mind to sleep. free myself to weep.

Don't look back now
Don't look back over years gone by
They're gone and now its time to live
Don't look back now
You have to let your childhood go
And then you'll find a peace within

And you will free ... your mind to sleep
And you will free ... yourself to weep
And you will free ... your mind to sleep
And you will free ... yourself to weep

Don't be afraid
You have so many choices
Hold your head up high and say goodbye
No second thoughts
You have a future waiting
Take my hand and I will show the way
~Donna Lewis - Simone - Now In A Minute
Click here to listen to a clip from itunes.