christmas

we had the entire week of christmas off this year. i'm the one that likes to sleep in, nate likes to get up early and he's constantly working on something. and it's usually something he thinks he supposed to do, not something fun. it seems like it's constantly raining here in the northwest as well. i like slow mornings where i don't have to rush, i can stay in my pj's and have a nice pancake or waffle breakfast with my family. those moments are few and far between but i can always be assured i will get just that every christmas at least. and i did this year too and it was wonderful. (except omelettes instead of waffles) nate, tony and i spent the night at nate's parents and woke up ready to eat freshly-made cinnamon rolls and omelettes.

Can’t you see it’s just raining?
There ain’t no need to go outside
But baby you hardly even notice
When I try to show you this
Song it’s meant to keep you
From doing what you’re supposed to
Like waking up too early
Maybe we could sleep in
I’ll make you banana pancakes
Pretend like it’s the weekend now
And we could pretend it all the time
Can’t you see that it’s just raining
There ain’t no need to go outside
But just maybe, hala ka ukulele
Mama made a baby
I really don’t mind the practice
Because you’re my little lady
Lady, lady love me
Because I love to lay here lazy
We could close the curtains
Pretend like there’s no world outside
And we could pretend it all the time
Can’t you see that it’s just raining
There ain’t no need to go outside
Ain’t no need, ain’t no need
Can’t you see, can’t you see
Rain all day and I don’t mind
Telephone singing, ringing, it’s too early
Don’t pick it up
We don’t need to
We got everything we need right here
And everything we need is enough
It’s just so easy
When the whole world fits inside of your arms
Do we really need to pay attention to the alarm
Wake up slow, wake up slow
But baby, you hardly even notice
When I try to show you this
Song it’s meant to keep you
From doing what you’re supposed to
Like waking up too early
Maybe we could sleep in
I’ll make you banana pancakes
Pretend like it’s the weekend now
And we could pretend it all the time
Can’t you see that it’s just raining
There ain’t no need to go outside
Ain’t no need, ain’t no need
Rain all day and I really really really don’t mind
Can’t you see, can’t you see
We’ve got to wake up slow
~Jack Johnson - Banana Pancakes
Click here to listen to a clip from itunes.

then came the presents! this is some of what i got for christmas...




ya. it was a good christmas! ;-)

hope

Hope In Hard Times is the teaching series we just finished at my church currently. "Waiting In Hope" was the main theme a couple weeks ago, and it was really challenging for me. i'm not a patient person. waiting and not knowing is not something i like. it drives me insane actually. i really have a hard time with the unknown, unplanned and unexpected. i hate surprises. i hate not knowing what's in front of me. i'm a planner. a crazy planner, and a disorganized one at that (don't ask). but that's me. uncertainty? ugh. yuck. yuck. yuck. i don't like not knowing...that's why this talk and even a random blog post find, really hit home.

for the talk series, we've been going through 1 Peter. this week was 1 Peter 4:7-19. in the first few verses, peter talks about what it means to be a christian in relationship with other people especially during conflict and "hard times" with them. peter's challenge to us is to continue to love and serve those in your community when you're going thru tuff stuff but especially when going thru tuff stuff caused by other people. not just people "out there," but people close to home. people that are supposed to love and support you through thick and thin but currently aren't for whatever reason.

after stumbling across this post from Nae, i really felt it mirrored closely what peter was saying also but from another angle. some of it that especially hit home, i've pasted below:

"As my friend Allan says, we must be willing to protect our friendships, and make sure that we don’t loose them over things that can be worked out. I realize that sometimes we might not say the complete truth because we either are not sure if the feelings or attraction are worth a penny or sometimes we are just afraid to hurt the other person so we figure it’s better to tell them half truths, other times we blatantly lie or remain silent thinking we are protecting the person or may be protecting ourselves…trust me, I’ve applied these reasons often times. In reality when the actual truth unfolds at a latter time, it causes even more pain than if everything was laid out at the very beginning. What honesty does is that it lets the person or people involved know what is actually going on…even if that’s the only thing that it accomplishes. I highly doubt that it does anyone any good, especially living in a small community, to live half-truth lives or protect ourselves by not speaking the truth. Now, I’m not advocating for people to always broadcast everything that is going on every time they think they like someone or something along those lines, but I think the minute we realize it might create some tension, it should be brought up for the sake of protecting our friendships. What honesty doesn’t do is make the hurt or disappointment less real, in fact it does the complete opposite. At the end of the day, if the truth is out there, each person is responsible for what they do with it. Along these same lines, I think the people around us should also play an important role to make sure that we are living honestly with our intentions, feelings and actions."

i feel like i was challenged by peter but also by nae. nae challenged and reminded me that relationships require honesty. peter challenged me to continually love and serve even in the midst of conflict and struggle with other people, even the ones that are afraid to bring their concerns up. i truly agree that it makes things worse and damages relationships to avoid conflict rather than confronting it "...I think the minute we realize it might create some tension, it should be brought up for the sake of protecting our friendships."

i pray that the moment i realize i might have an issue with someone or something, that i approach my feelings with that person honestly and without delay...because i've felt the damaging effects of the opposite and it hurts.

trip

Go here to see what i've been up to; our vacation this past week. nate biked the entire oregon coast, from the astoria bridge on the washington side clear thru to the california border! me and tony along with alicia and kurt all tagged along for the fun of it. nate biked with tim (alicia's hubby) and tim's friend, Jason. they rocked. i'm really proud of nate....i for sure couldn't have done it.

life

i love how my personal life, my work life and my family life all blend together. it may seem odd to some but to me, i relish in it. i love it. i'm not exactly sure why either. but i do. maybe it's because i never experienced family growing up. or maybe it's simply because i'm extroverted. who knows. but i don't know how i'd live without those worlds touching each other.

my second to the youngest sister came to hang out with me at a summer festival event today. that made me so happy. she's quirky. and she knows it. she likes to try and embarrass me. and she usually does. but i love that she came. she got to meet people in my world. that made me happy. so my second to the youngest sis, if you're reading this, know that you made me very happy today. and just for good measure, thanks for sharing your tentative, new-found perspective on the "mom" thing with me. i hope it sticks. ;-)

this was for you girl. i love you.

beach

so first. we went to the beach the week before last. just nate and i. it was awesome! the weather was perfect the entire time! here are some pics to prove it.

again, i can't say enough about how much i love the northwest.we ate crab, walked on the beach, walked around cannon beach. we just did touristy things. there is this awesome glass shop too that we love to go to. they make glass bowls, vases, etc. right there in the shop so everyone can see the process. it's pretty neat. get's a little hot in there sometimes though.
i'm at a loss for words on what else we did cause other than what i listed above, we simply did nothing. literally. most of the time we just sat in the house we rented reading books. ahhhh, it was awesome. peace and quiet. sitting and reading for however long we wanted. undisturbed. it was great.

stayed tuned for my thoughts/reflections on the book i started and finished in those two days at the beach. Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers.

saddleback

currently i'm in california at a worship conference at saddleback church. this is my second time. i went two years ago too. this isn't much, just a quick update to say i'm still alive. stay tuned for pics from my beach trip to cannon beach with nate. i read a whole book during our time at the beach so i'll tell you about that too. it was an awesome book. and hopefully i'll have some thoughts on the conference later too. until then, tatta!

june

i realize it's been awhile since i last posted. especially since my hubby is starting to brag that he's gotten in more posts than me...you know it's been awhile when he's saying that! so i've decided to rectify that. but what to post about?

i had a birthday. that was cool. however, it was foreshadowed by the fact that the month of may is simply becoming a bad luck month for me. it's june now. i like that. not just because it's my middle name but because june means may is finally over. i'm not sure what it is but this was the second may in a row that's been emotionally draining for me. last may as most of you know, my dad was put in prison (very good thing - but still weird), my 13 (now 14) year old brother came to live with my husband and i (good - but still a hard adjustment) and my mother went crazy...well i shouldn't say went crazy....uh, exposed herself as a new kind of crazy to the rest of my family (also good - but still weird).

now, i have to admitt, this may wasn't as bad as last may....but as my close friends put it, it seems like i've gone from one emotionally draining "crisis" to another! just as i got over one, i'm onto the next! (wish i could share more, but can't) and how right they are. one especially funny and honestly uplifting comment from one of my friends, "teresa, don't you just feel like sitting in one spot and just swearing, over and over and over again!?" truth be told? YES but i won't say more on the grounds that i may incriminate myself.

then i found this quote:

Then, when it seems we will never smile again, life comes back.

deep breath in.....deep, slow, relaxing breath out. that's what i needed.

silverstar

so the day we were supposed to hike hamilton mountain we did silverstar instead. it was a short hike though because we ran into snow. here's the pic. from left to right: me, nate, matt, peter.

today

i just thought i'd post what my tat looks like today. i just noticed that the only pics on here of it are the fresh, painful ones. i think this looks much better.

hike

a couple weeks ago nate and i hiked angel's rest with some friends. it's a hike near multnoma falls. it was gorgeous (sp?) weather and the view was awesome! this is yet another reason why i love the northwest so much. we're going out again next friday to hike hamilton mt. i can't wait. i suppose i could write a bunch more, but i'll stop here. (i'm lazy)

sunny days

...sunny days, chasing the - clouds away...Hm, Hm, Hm - Hu, hu, hu, HU - HU - HU...can you tell me how to get? how to get to sesame street?

i love all the sunny days lately! i'm so excited for summer!

so i know i've been away for a while. i've been a little preocupied. all last week i worked on a brochure for the annual Summer Festival Race For the Homeless. in a bout a week or two both the race and the summer festival pages should be updated...or at least the race one should this coming week. it should be cool. i'm excited about that too cause this is the first year i get to help design it! sweet!

that's all.

camping

i love camping. for those that know me well, this is no surprise. we had last weekend off and spent it camping on the oregon coast...it was really nice. it only rained saturday morning but was clear the rest of the time....**sigh** oh it was great to get away!





that's all. full stop. over and out. ;-)

frustrated

so ya, i haven't posted in a while and so i thought i would update on what's up. not much really. that's why no posts. actually i've had numerous posts slip in and out of my mind all this week....none of them ever made it to fruition. (how do you spell that???) that word that means "to come about" or something like that. i get the feeling that this post will be very random, schizophrenic and a little discombooberated...(the little red squiggly lines under that word are telling me it's....discombobulated is what i mean, hmmm) and maybe even short. ya short - let's do that.

on second thought. i suppose i should explain why "frustrated." not sure i want to though cause i probably shouldn't be frustrated at all. but i am. and if i tell you why i'm frustrated the very ugly-disgusting-selfish-awful-not me, other side of me will...come to fruition? no, rear it's ugly head. ya. i'm not so sure i want you all to see that side of me. it's pretty awful and i turn into a slobbery, whiney, old baby.....old baby? hmmmm.

so i will stop. and as spoken from the mouth of my friend sarah "full stop."

"hello. full stop. That's what i am currently experiencing. stop of mind. stop of rational thought. stop of making sense. stop of talking right now...i promise...really...shut up my face. Love and kisses and cup cakes and frolics through wild flowers and warm fuzzies ect...really disturbing, Sarah"

tattoo

i did it. i got the tattoo that i've been waiting on for some time now. about three months in the process, i finally decided on a design. i brought a couple of my doodles to my tattoo artist and had him work up a sketch. i spent a couple months tweaking it and this is the result. i'm really happy with it.

of course this pic is fresh after it was done....so it looks disgustingly painful. and yes. it did hurt. (why do people ask that?) yes. a bunch of needles stuck into your skin very rapidly for 2 and a half hours straight is painful and yes, it hurts.

below are some pics during the work.

recap

i think i had just about the best valentine's day ever. seriously. even from the very beginning of the day. (excluding of course the fact that i actually had to wake up and get out of bed). anthony and i got into it as usual. something about huskies wearing socks to keep them warm when they pull snow sleds.
me: "anthony, huskies don't wear socks....some people may call the white fur on the feet of some of them socks, but they're not actual, cloth, material socks..." anthony: "yes, they do...huskies do actually wear this special material that...." blah, blah, blah...one day i'll learn to just roll my eyes and keep my mouth shut. but no, there's something in me that just cannot let something like that go by without so much as a comment of correction when it's so blatantly, ridiculously, wrong. ok, so you can see now (proof in the pudding) that i just can't let stuff go. anyway, our typical arguments usually make me grumpy but not today. it was actually just enough ridiculousness to push me over into a weird, contended, happiness instead. which was quite pleasant. and although i would like to take full credit for being the "adult" and not engaging fully into his ridiculous discussion, i think the half-dose of day quill might have had something to do with it. and the fact that anthony had also just surprised me with valentines chocolates.

get to work. fill up my coffee cup. say my goodmornings. get to my desk and find potted flowers, hershey's kisses, and candy hearts from my sweet, wonderful, awesome mother in-law. and no, for those of you who don't know, i'm not being sarcastic. i actually love my mother in-law probably more than my very own. (which i suppose isn't hard to imagine if you've ever met or know anything about my biological mom) but nevertheless, kerry is awesome. and so very sweet. i couldn't wish for a better mother in-law.

after musing over the flowers and feeling way over spoiled by kerry. i figured i should get back to work and started to check email. well, just then my day got even better. i got an ecard from my hubby nate wishing me a happy valentine's day. and no, i'm not going to quote it for you. but it was perfect.

so, for all of you who hate dentist appointments this would be the "downer" in this story....but wait....it's not. i had a dentist appointment scheduled for 4:40pm. (who know's why i scheduled a dentist appointment on valentine's day??) so when the time came i left work hoping that the dentist would not tell me what i thought was true. i have a cavity. so i went in, hoping for the best but feeling the inevitable truth....that the pain in my tooth was actually a cavity and my pretty clean track record of "little to no" cavities was broken. well, this is precisely where the story turns. but first: in the past, i've never been one of those people who hate going to the dentist...it's never bothered me. don't know why. but today i had a revelation. not only did the dentists tell me that i had no cavities at all, he lavished praises on me for my "beautiful" teeth! sheesh. what a place to find your self-esteem built up! and if i remember correctly, almost every time i see the dentist i get the same feedback. so here's my revelation: i think i don't mind the dentist because my teeth always get praised. how's that for weird? and the extra cool part about the whole thing is; i didn't even do anything to get my teeth that way, i don't even know what categorizes a person's teeth as "beautiful" anyway. but hell, i'll take it! at least that's one positive thing my parents gave me. so, i found myself oddly happy, yet again today.

ok, so i know this is getting long and you're all getting bored so i'll finish with just one more thing. i have to say, if it hadn't been for tracy & marcus, ryan, and matt - nate and i would not have been able to go out together. tracy picked up anthony from school today and he hung out at their place until ryan picked him up later in the evening and hung with him until he went to bed. matt was especially kind by covering nate and i at tnt tonight. thanks you guys! you all ROCK!

so that sounded like an awards acceptance speech....

last but not least nate and i were able to go out and catch dinner at the Crab Shack and saw a movie. "The World's Fastest Indian." what a great movie! it's perfect for any age. well, maybe not any age....but it was good. it's what i would call a "heart warmer." which i thought was perfect for a valentine's date. cause you have to admit . . . . choosing the perfect movie for a valentine date (or any for that matter) is pretty important. i mean, seriously, find a bad movie....the two of you could just end up feeling awkward the entire rest of the evening....and that's just no fun for anyone. my philosophy: safer is always better on an important evening. we originally wanted to see "Having Fun With Dick & Jane" (which looks hilarious!) but we couldn't find it at any of the theaters....so maybe it's on DVD already?

anyway, i'm done rambling now....

crap!

i let the anniversary of my blog's first year go by unnoticed! January 8th, 2005 was my first post ever in the blogging world. go bloggers. down with the slackers.

yeah!

northwest

i love the northwest. i could never imagine myself living anywhere else. there's so much to do here! there's mountains for climbing, hiking, skiing, snowboarding, etc. there's ocean for beach combing, atv'ing, claming, surfing, wind surfing, etc. there's plenty of lakes for water skiing, tubing, jet skiing, fishing, etc. there's plenty of cool places to camp and yurt. you can find a place for just about any outdoor activity that you'd ever wished or dreamed of doing. i love this place!

all last weekend i was reminded of just how much i love this place. nate and i go yurting every year at Cape Lookout with a group of about 5 or 6 families with an average of 3 kids per family. (ya, you're right, that is alot! but it's so much fun!) last weekend was our annual yurting trip. we rented a small boat and went crabbing, walked on the beach at night with only the moon as a light source, watched hangliders take off from the side of the road at Cape Lookout (very exciting!), sat in a bar near the sand dunes to watch the game with a friend i never would've suspected to have any interest in football (i sure don't) and last but not least, i got in plenty of reading. so nice. so relaxing. we stayed at Cape Lookout friday and saturday night and came back into town sunday afternoon. then got up, o'dark-thirty in the morning on monday to go snowboarding on mt hood. it was my first time and today i am so sore! the snow on the mountain was perfect. the only bummer was that i leant my gloves to a little middle schooler during my snowboard lesson and found out just how bad it sucks to try and snowboard with out gloves.

although winters in the northwest rock, summers are even better! i'm getting very anxious and excited for a long, 11 day or so camping trip with nate and a couple close friends in august. nate is going to bike across the Astoria bridge on the Washington side, to Oregon and bike all the way to the california border. each night we'll set up camp in a new location and wait as the guys bike all day, then meet us at camp to sleep for the night, then get up and bike all day again....i'm glad i'm not the one biking! whew! it should be really fun though for those of us who are driving, setting up camp and then sitting around all day waiting for the bikers. i'm one of them! ;-) i can't wait!

boys-n-crushes (part one)

so i was going through an old box of notes, letters and old keepsakes that i’ve stashed away in the attic. it is so much fun going through things that you haven’t seen in a while….especially old letters! i have about two or three shoeboxes full of letters dating way back to when i was a little kid. i went to a private school from kindergarden thru around 3rd or 4th grade, when my family moved away and my mom began homeschooling. i was determined to keep the friendships i had started in private school and decided to exchange addresses with them and stay connected through letters.

as i was shuffling through all the letters i’d kept over the years (because once i’d kept one, it became a habit to keep every letter i ever received) i saw one with a return address and name that said blair. i thought to myself, “blair, blair….blair…why/how do i know that name?” so, i opened the letter and started reading. this is what i read first:

Hi Ya TJ,

This letter is going to start very very seriously. I want you to be honest in answering me. What exactly do you think about me liking you? Please be HONEST. […]

i immediately remembered…and how could i forget? this was the Canadian guy that i met when i went with my church to a winter youth camp thingy in Canada called Avalanche. I was 14 and it was right before my trip to the Philippines. truth be told, i don’t remember actually meeting him…but i do remember my friends and i had nick-named him the “aboat man” because of his Canadian accent. and the whole “TJ” thing…..well, that was during the period in my life when, for whatever reason, i wanted to be called something other than my own name. T.J. are my initials. Teresa June.

he continued…

I have to tell you right now, like after Avalanche, I really, really miss you, and I don’t know how to explain this feeling I get whenever I think about you (almost everday.) […]

and then it all came flooding back….ya – how could i forget this guy….i remember feeling a little flattered, a little embarrassed and sorry for him but also a lot annoyed at him all in one! flattered because…well, i don’t think being flattered really needs an explanation. but sorry for him because…poor guy – not only was he sharing revealing and possibly risky information about his feelings for me, but it seemed like instead of simply spilling his guts – which would have been bad enough – he was really ripping every internal organ out of his body and laying them on a table and pleading and begging me to smash them!

but annoyed at him all at the same time because i remember feeling like no matter how i tried to tell him i wasn’t interested “that way”, he never quite “got” it.

i told him in a letter and over the phone that “i just want to be friends…” you know, that whole bit…..however, it was to no avail. this is part of the very next letter i received and also parts from the 15 plus letters after that all saying the same thing!

I still keep you in mind “a lot” and I still talk about you not that I mean to, but your name keeps coming up in some of my conversations. (Most of the time with Jodie (remember her) I also never ever say anything bad about you) More or less that I would like to see you again. […] It’s 11:20pm and I haven’t heard from you in a while. […] So are you planning on going Avalanche ’96? I sure hope you guys bring a group from the states again. Another reason, I have some good friends who would like to meet you guys. (Yes, I talk about you a lot, nothing bad or personal, more or less, on how much I like you!) To be honest, you’re the only girl I really talk about. My interest in other girls isn’t as strong as what it used to be since I met you. In fact, I don’t really “eye” up girls anymore. […]

oh boy! and it only got worse after he attended a Promise Keepers conference – that’s really when the intestines started to fly!

[…] this conference was and is the best conference I have ever attended. […] To be honest when they got into the section on relationships (marriage) that’s when I fully felt I had to go to Vancouver and see you. (Please don’t get upset) Just listen. (or read) I know you just want to be friends and I fully respect that (since I really would not like being enemies). Anyways, I’m going to tell you again that I believe in my heart that you are the girl for me. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just going to the dogs. (I mean…I get love-sick everytime I think about you) I’ve even been called a love-sick puppy. :) Ever since I’ve met you I’ve tried to come and see you, but it seems to never work out right. I don’t know why!! I guess it just in God’s time when things will work out. Just need to have patience. (and a lot of it). I do have to tell you this one thing though. You are one of the most beautiful girls I have ever met!! I couldn’t tell you if my timing is right or not. I’m just writing what came to my mind, and I pray that it’s what God wants me to write. Things could change and we may never see each other again (pray they don’t). As I said, I believe that you are the one. It’s a matter of growing closer together (may take a few years or a few weeks, who knows), but I know that our “relatioship” as friends can only get better. I don’t want to lose contact with you, at all. […] I still don’t know if your thoughts have changed towards me (I doubt it), but I just break into tears everytime I think about not being able to see you. sometimes LOVE hurts :( […]

he goes on to talk about meeting my parents sometime, and me meeting his parents….etc. and he signed the above letter “your love-sick friend, blair”. Needless to say, after the above letter I began opening each letter after that from him, squinting as I read it, for fear that I would be really, really embarrassed for him this time….any minute…..he’s – going – to – say – something – way – over – the – top……I can’t look!

Blair had to be experiencing the worst crush of all time and i was the victim!

(to be continued…)

struggle

so, i have a dilemma. is there really, seriously, an way to be assertive and nice at the same time? just the other day a friend of mine made some snide comment about how if you're nice, that automatically makes you a pushover. like the two (nice and pushover) can't be separated and they're basically and/or might as well be, the same word. so I thought. well, i'd consider myself nice, but i don't think i'm a pushover....so what's that make me? nice = pushover......hmmm, assertive = bitch.

i rumbled around with that theory (albeit stolen theory) for a few days and it even so happened that another friend of mine and i stumbled upon the same topic somehow. i shared my theory with her. pushover = nice and assertive = bitch, etc. she wasn't buying it. she said "i think you pull it off well...you're very nice but also assertive and hold your ground when you need to.." ahhhh, that was nice. and i felt better too.

couple days later, i'm talking to my wonderful mother in-law. she proceeds to tell me that all she ever hears about from people is how much they like me and how nice i am. and that no one has a negative thing to say about me...blah, blah, blah. well, i felt better after that too.

stolen theory: pushover = nice and assertive = bitch......FOILED! and i was proud of myself.....and a little smug maybe.

then it happened. i received an email regarding one of my attempts at being assertive yet not bitchy. i failed, miserably. what was intended to be a casual and playful confronting, instead went horribly and awfully wrong. i suck. and i really must be the "assertive = bitch" type of person.

i really don't understand....and i have to admit i am completely and utterly shocked.

deep fried turkey

so we had deep fried turkey this year like we do every year. at least we have for the past five anyway...so, taking a look at the photo below....which one would you guess was deep fried?



well....they both were actually. the black one wasn't actually burnt as you might have thought....the marinating sauce that we used, we spread all over the outside of the turkey and for some reason just got all black. the meat was actually very good - go figure!