google

OK. me too.

What to do:
Go to google and write your name and the word ‘needs’, in quotes — as in “matt needs”. notice the first 10 sensical sentences that come up." here's what i got when i tried "teresa needs" ...

1. Teresa needs help Tech Tips and Computer Help.
2. Teresa needs help. Not mental eithier at least for the moment She cant log into
the board it still acts as if it is down on her part.
3. Teresa needs one more miracle to become a saint.
4. Teresa Needs You.
5. Teresa needs to be president.
6. Teresa needs some boards cut into smaller boards but she does not want to spend much money.
7. Teresa needs help setting up and advertising the event (she only has 2 volunteers
so far!).
8. Teresa needs to work on her math skills.
9. Teresa needs to convince not just Kim, but Ethan and Tom of the merits of voting out Lex (provided he doesn't win the next immunity challenge.)
10. Teresa needs some support here...she has done so much for us, it is our turn! :)

struggle

so, i have a dilemma. is there really, seriously, an way to be assertive and nice at the same time? just the other day a friend of mine made some snide comment about how if you're nice, that automatically makes you a pushover. like the two (nice and pushover) can't be separated and they're basically and/or might as well be, the same word. so I thought. well, i'd consider myself nice, but i don't think i'm a pushover....so what's that make me? nice = pushover......hmmm, assertive = bitch.

i rumbled around with that theory (albeit stolen theory) for a few days and it even so happened that another friend of mine and i stumbled upon the same topic somehow. i shared my theory with her. pushover = nice and assertive = bitch, etc. she wasn't buying it. she said "i think you pull it off well...you're very nice but also assertive and hold your ground when you need to.." ahhhh, that was nice. and i felt better too.

couple days later, i'm talking to my wonderful mother in-law. she proceeds to tell me that all she ever hears about from people is how much they like me and how nice i am. and that no one has a negative thing to say about me...blah, blah, blah. well, i felt better after that too.

stolen theory: pushover = nice and assertive = bitch......FOILED! and i was proud of myself.....and a little smug maybe.

then it happened. i received an email regarding one of my attempts at being assertive yet not bitchy. i failed, miserably. what was intended to be a casual and playful confronting, instead went horribly and awfully wrong. i suck. and i really must be the "assertive = bitch" type of person.

i really don't understand....and i have to admit i am completely and utterly shocked.

messy

this song, really speaks to my yoyo self right now. the yoyo self that i have a hard time accepting. however, the truth that i am known by Him. and that it's ok. i've found myself hopping back and forth between feeling sure of the decisions i've made recently and at the same time feeling like the decisions i've made, i haven't really made for myself at all.

It's been so long, said it's been too long
Can't remember when I've felt so known
You're so warm shelter me from the storm
And the fears that are just so cold

when i'm feeling sure of the decisions i've made, the notion that "i'm not really making any difference after all because my life's been so messy" and that "i can't possibly be making a difference...", etc., etc. flow in and the first part of the following verses ring true.

They're telling me things get messy when you care
Things are messy everywhere
and don't I know it,
don't I show it
Every time I look away
'cause what can I do
what can I say to help myself
Or to help anybody else

when i'm feeling that i haven't really made these decisions for myself and that i was somehow "trapped" by this looming "responsibility" that i couldn't deny even if i tried, that's when the second part of the following verses ring true. "You meet me in my need...." how could i deny anyone else when He's met me in my need in the middle of my mess?

You meet me in my need
You bring new life to me
And You go beyond what I feel
Your life brought more than freedom
Your love brought time
just what I needed
to see I needed You

and then again, His peace settles over me with the assurance that it's all apart of His plan....my yoyo self goes through this pattern almost everyday...sometimes almost every hour.

One of these days it will be easier to mean what I say
If I remember each and every day
That this world is not my home and I never walk alone
And before time began my days were known by You~Jill Paquette