love

i've been frustrated lately. frustrated by people (including myself sometimes) who can't seem to simply show love to those around them. people who feel like they have a right to judge others. yet the people being judged don't have that same right. at least not in the eyes of the person judging. people who feel like it's not only their right but maybe even their duty to call people out and challenge them on their views if they differ from their own. people who like to use scripture out of context and "throw" it in other people's faces not only to make their point, (twisting scripture to their own agenda) but also to make themselves look/feel superior to the other. granted, to some extent we all do this. none of us are perfect. i've even done it. i did it to my siblings when i was going thru my "super religious" phase around 15-16 years old. i'm not proud of it - but i learned from it. if i had been too proud to listen to my sisters (and i didn't right away) when they told me they felt judged by me, i might never have seen how wrong i was. i might never have seen that i wasn't showing god's love to anyone. and that is the number one thing god calls us to do. christian or no christian, everyone can agree that love is something everyone wants and can't do without.

i think part of what makes me feel so upset about this - and so disgusted at myself at 15/16, is because growing up all i ever received from my parents was conditional love. which, isn't love at all. it's some sick, twisted, fake attempt at love. and it's damaging. seriously damaging. the link below is a project i did for my women's studies class. it was the final project and the goal was simply to express yourself with a medium of your choice. but it had to be creative. i chose to express myself with a video with one of my favorite songs...Ginny Owens - Without Condition. the lyrics are below. this song puts to words my feelings toward my parents regarding my childhood and the suedo-christian, super-religious, paranoid, insecure and judgmental home i was brought up in.

click here to see the video. (it's about 3.9MB so if you don't have a high speed connection it may take a little bit to load.)

You find this situation just a bit uncomfortable;
You'd rather stay far away from reality.
For you to understand would be clearly impossible;
So you shut your eyes and swear you can see.
Claiming there is a God, but does that mean anything?
So condescending to those that you don't understand;
Just too easy to make them your enemies.
Like an ostrich, you bury your head in the sand,
And then shout about all the things you believe.
But if there is a God, don't you think He can see
What you really mean? What you're doing?

You can't find the answers
Till you learn to question;
You won't appear stupid
Just ask for direction.
You're insecure and it clouds your perception
So stop and listen
And learn a lesson in love without condition.

So place all the souls that you know
in their own little box;
Quite convenient to handle them that way;
You're the only one you know who carries a cross
You don't care what they care about anyway.
You talk to your God,
Prayin' for those who sin,
For their eyes to be opened.
~Ginny Owens - Without Condition
Click here to listen to a clip from itunes.

crapola

wanna make something sound stupid? Just go to this website. type in some text and choose "valley girl" as your translation.....

examples of "it's pretty funny":
in valley girl: "it's pretty funny. Oh my God!"
in boston accent: "it's pretty funny, Jamal!"
in canadian: "it's preddy funny!"
in pig latin: "ityay's ettypray unnyfay!"
in smurf: "it's smurfy smurfy!"

it's even more fun to type in a website instead. try a news website - or better yet, try your own blog!

recap

i think i had just about the best valentine's day ever. seriously. even from the very beginning of the day. (excluding of course the fact that i actually had to wake up and get out of bed). anthony and i got into it as usual. something about huskies wearing socks to keep them warm when they pull snow sleds.
me: "anthony, huskies don't wear socks....some people may call the white fur on the feet of some of them socks, but they're not actual, cloth, material socks..." anthony: "yes, they do...huskies do actually wear this special material that...." blah, blah, blah...one day i'll learn to just roll my eyes and keep my mouth shut. but no, there's something in me that just cannot let something like that go by without so much as a comment of correction when it's so blatantly, ridiculously, wrong. ok, so you can see now (proof in the pudding) that i just can't let stuff go. anyway, our typical arguments usually make me grumpy but not today. it was actually just enough ridiculousness to push me over into a weird, contended, happiness instead. which was quite pleasant. and although i would like to take full credit for being the "adult" and not engaging fully into his ridiculous discussion, i think the half-dose of day quill might have had something to do with it. and the fact that anthony had also just surprised me with valentines chocolates.

get to work. fill up my coffee cup. say my goodmornings. get to my desk and find potted flowers, hershey's kisses, and candy hearts from my sweet, wonderful, awesome mother in-law. and no, for those of you who don't know, i'm not being sarcastic. i actually love my mother in-law probably more than my very own. (which i suppose isn't hard to imagine if you've ever met or know anything about my biological mom) but nevertheless, kerry is awesome. and so very sweet. i couldn't wish for a better mother in-law.

after musing over the flowers and feeling way over spoiled by kerry. i figured i should get back to work and started to check email. well, just then my day got even better. i got an ecard from my hubby nate wishing me a happy valentine's day. and no, i'm not going to quote it for you. but it was perfect.

so, for all of you who hate dentist appointments this would be the "downer" in this story....but wait....it's not. i had a dentist appointment scheduled for 4:40pm. (who know's why i scheduled a dentist appointment on valentine's day??) so when the time came i left work hoping that the dentist would not tell me what i thought was true. i have a cavity. so i went in, hoping for the best but feeling the inevitable truth....that the pain in my tooth was actually a cavity and my pretty clean track record of "little to no" cavities was broken. well, this is precisely where the story turns. but first: in the past, i've never been one of those people who hate going to the dentist...it's never bothered me. don't know why. but today i had a revelation. not only did the dentists tell me that i had no cavities at all, he lavished praises on me for my "beautiful" teeth! sheesh. what a place to find your self-esteem built up! and if i remember correctly, almost every time i see the dentist i get the same feedback. so here's my revelation: i think i don't mind the dentist because my teeth always get praised. how's that for weird? and the extra cool part about the whole thing is; i didn't even do anything to get my teeth that way, i don't even know what categorizes a person's teeth as "beautiful" anyway. but hell, i'll take it! at least that's one positive thing my parents gave me. so, i found myself oddly happy, yet again today.

ok, so i know this is getting long and you're all getting bored so i'll finish with just one more thing. i have to say, if it hadn't been for tracy & marcus, ryan, and matt - nate and i would not have been able to go out together. tracy picked up anthony from school today and he hung out at their place until ryan picked him up later in the evening and hung with him until he went to bed. matt was especially kind by covering nate and i at tnt tonight. thanks you guys! you all ROCK!

so that sounded like an awards acceptance speech....

last but not least nate and i were able to go out and catch dinner at the Crab Shack and saw a movie. "The World's Fastest Indian." what a great movie! it's perfect for any age. well, maybe not any age....but it was good. it's what i would call a "heart warmer." which i thought was perfect for a valentine's date. cause you have to admit . . . . choosing the perfect movie for a valentine date (or any for that matter) is pretty important. i mean, seriously, find a bad movie....the two of you could just end up feeling awkward the entire rest of the evening....and that's just no fun for anyone. my philosophy: safer is always better on an important evening. we originally wanted to see "Having Fun With Dick & Jane" (which looks hilarious!) but we couldn't find it at any of the theaters....so maybe it's on DVD already?

anyway, i'm done rambling now....